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30 March 2009 @ 06:38 pm
A spork so long, I had to make two posts about it!  
With school, Watchmen and concentrating on my own writing, I realize I've neglected this journal. Sowwy. *pets journal*

I'm back for this entry, though! And I'm thinking about going back to some of those other fics and seeing what happens to the Sue after their initial Joker encounter--the really bad ones, of course. Or maybe all of them. We'll see!

For now, Jesus Christ, this Sue takes SO LONG to get to the point of anything that I had to split this into two posts. Part one is right here:

Title: Wicked Games--GNARLY, BRO!!
Culprit: PhoenixOwnsTheNight--Who seems to enjoy spreading the Mary Sue disease to other fandoms.
Sue-Type: Snotty!Sue, angsty!sue, our first matchmaker!sue
Sue-Name: Madolyn Wayne. Yes, we have a Wayne.
Age: She goes from 1-18 or 19 within the fic.
Hair: Brown, curly
Eyes: Brown eyes
Annoying Traits: Warps situations to center around her. Makes Bruce wubby, makes the Joker rape-y. Randomly gets abused. Takes care of cancer kids. Manages to down 12 alcoholic drinks and NOT pass out or get sick or even act absolutely shit-faced. Generally being there when she would serve more purpose not being there. I could really go on...
Connection to Canon Characters: Bruce's little sister, Alfred takes care of her, Rachel's BFF, is friends with Harvey, somehow knows Lucius Fox, met Gordon, and of course gets kidnapped by Big J.

Bruce "MY PARENTS ARE DEAAAAAD" Wayne's parents' funeral, with the addition of certain unnecessary character. Guess who that is! No, not Rachel, but you were close.

Sister Sue is only a baby at this time, meaning Alfred will have to continue to breastfeed her she's missing out on all the mourning fun and Bruce wants to let her in on it.

Rachel and Bruce have a conversation that's way too mature for two kids to have at their age.

"I'll help you and Alfred take care of her. Even if my Mother does find a new job. I'll come over to help. Every day if you want." "We can get a little place down by the beach--just like we always said we would. I'll become a veterinarian by day and a rock star by night, and you can be a fireman and a professional astronaut."

Little Bruce promises to take care of Sister Sue. Cute and all, but kind of dilutes his grief, don't you think? His entire reason for becoming Batman stems from this moment and now we have some brat crowding the scene. I should think it would entirely change the dynamic of Bruce's childhood.

But Suethors obviously don't care about that, do they! Bruce Wayne will become Batman no matter what, even if you do give him a little sister to take care of!

Every year on the same day, Alfred drove Bruce and Madolyn to their parents' grave. Only with the promise of McDonalds afterwards. And every one of those years, Bruce was more and more angry. More and more quiet. His eyes had even changed. Edward, get out of my fandom!

Blah blah blah. Falling asleep, here.

"Bruce?" A nine-year-old Maddie asked, with questioning brown eyes. "Why are you always kissing Nina?" The Mexican maid?

Bruce had to cover his mouth with a napkin so he wouldn't spit his drink onto the table. Aha, how hackneyed. He pondered the answer before he spoke, "I'm trying to get her to go down one me." wanting to be as clear as possible so that they'd hopefully never have to talk about this again. The subject had been sneaking it's way into their little talks lately. Horny little 9-year-old, isn't she? He was sixteen after all and had had his share of girlfriends over the years. "Because she's my friend. You know that." "Is that why you always kiss Billy down the street, too?"

Of course, the little Sue wants Bruce and Rachel to be together. Our first matchmaker!Sue, awww.

Maddie had always favored Rachel over Bruce's conquests. And yes, that's what they all were to him. Conquests. He had never taken any of them seriously. Bruce didn't become a playboy until after training for 7 years and becoming Batman. Learn to pay attention to the movie, plz.

More about how Bruce is basically a sexist pig who only views other females as objects--I mean, "conquests." Except Rachel, of course. Because that's what tru luv is; when you view someone as anything but a sexual-hole with a loud mouth.

More really boring shit about Bruce and Rachel's friendship/relationship. I wasn't interested in it in either movie and I'm not interested in it now. Batman's girlfriends are always notoriously lame and Rachel fits that bill well.

No, he wouldn't do anything about his unrequited love for Rachel Dawes. His best friend since childhood. BEST. FRIEND. He would the bury the feelings and suffer in silence with other girls who would never be as authentic, as intelligent, as kind, or as beautiful as she was. Go cry over your parent's grave, Bruce.

Yeah, life was fair. Oh my god. Quit being the victim.

Something about Rachel being Cinderella or something.

He gently took her hand and looked into her eyes. She seemed so convinced that this was all going to happen. Pfft! What an idiot. That it could happen. "Maddie, those kinds of things only happen in your books. It's only a fairytale. "Your dreams will be CRUSHED and you will live your life in quiet desperation." Rachel and I, we'll be friends for the rest of our lives, I'm sure of that. Heh, heh, for the rest of her her life you mean. Hehe. But she doesn't love me. Not like that."

"But you do love her. If you didn't you wouldn't have that sad look on your face every time she leaves. Isn't that what people do when they love each other?" "Honey, you're being too perceptive for your age. Tone it down a bit."

"It's... one of the things. But that can mean a lot of things. You get sad every time I leave for a weekend in the country because you know I won't be back for a few days, right?" Bruce asked her. A weekend in the country? I didn't realize people went Bunburying these days.

Bruce contemplates how the world is nothing but a dark abyss filled with pain and despair.

That eventually everyone died alone, if they were unlucky enough, which most were. Buck up, Brucey! Your parents didn't die alone. They had each other. Aww.

Oh those emo teenage years.

The next year, Bruce was accepted into Princeton. Maddie was heartbroken when he and Alfred broke the news to her. That's not... usually a sad thing. Alfred explained that he owed it to himself to go. It was one of the best schools in the country. He would get a marvelous education and do all sorts of exciting things. "You may even get to spank the bottoms of your dorm mates in a drunken stupor! It's all good fun, suh." Bruce said nothing. "Nothing," Bruce said.


Every one of those nights, she would cry herself to sleep. Oh lord. Okay, that's a bit much. The thought of Bruce leaving was killing her. Jesus, kid. Chill out. She was going to be abandoned by another person she loved. You didn't even know your parents. Who was next? Alfred? Rachel? Well I don't want to spoil the movie for you, but... She didn't have anyone else. Who would take care of her? Bruce showed up in the bedroom to calm her when she was borderline hysterical. I understand being sad, but hysterical? He would stay until she fell asleep, after assuring her that he would visit and call as often as he could. "Until I go to China after trying to kill my parent's murderer to train as a ninja for 7 years. Oh, I didn't talk to you about that part?"

Bruce is emo some more. Didn't we get this enough in the movie already? Oh barf, he has a present for his wubble widdle sistoh.

Bruce opened it and held up two necklaces. Each had a charm shaped like a half circle dangling from it. He placed one of them around her neck. She examined it admiringly. She never wore any jewelery, mostly so that the other kids wouldn't know just how wealthy her family was, but the necklace was simple. Elegant. "Isn't it supposed to be half of a heart?" Sorry, my projectile vomit seems to have covered the computer screen. I'll just clean that up here...

"It can be, but this ones not. "God, are you dense or something?" It's very special. I saw it and thought of you." He pointed to the half moon outside of her window. "You were always looking at the moon when you were little. You wouldn't say anything, just stare at it for hours. Not obsessive in any way at all. That's what it reminded me of. "I'll always remember your crippling obsessive compulsive disorder." Now when I'm gone, and you miss me, all you have to do is look at the necklace, and know that I'm somewhere else with the other half, fighting ninjas and cool stuff like that, doing the same."

Narration mentions that Alfred built her a jungle gym when she was 6. With his bare hands?! The guy's freaking old.

"We're joined forever, Maddie. For life. Whoa, hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here... I will always come back for you." "Until that whole Batman thing comes up. Then you're shit out of luck, pigeon." He poked her nose lovingly. Bruce promised her.


Alfred was sad. What a rich description. Maddie always knew when he was sad. He had an unmistakable expression that showed on his entire face. Would that be a frown, perhaps?

God can he just become Batman already?! I'm dying of boredom over here.

Skipping. A lot. Because I watched the god damn movie already. Omg she totally becomes Rachel's BFF!

They would tell each other about the men in their lives, or the lack there of. Neither of them had been any good at relationships. Especially Maddie, who found most of the boys her age to be simple and uninteresting. No one's good enough for a Sue. That being said, she was still the most popular among them, Of course. and was constantly being asked out on dates, Of course! or even more horrifying, Boys are gross. a trip to the broom closet during lunch period. Lighten up, will you?

Senior year and she has a widdle crush following her around like a lap dog.

It was hard to control himself, emotionally or otherwise, around a girl like Maddie Wayne. He often forgot how to construct words and even sentences. She was probably the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen in his life. Not a girl, woman. The most beautiful woman. Even better, she had no idea. So beautiful and yet so modest! No, of course she's not a Sue. Not at all, you guys.

Brucey comes home from China.

That night, they had a celebratory dinner to welcome Bruce back to Gotham. Alfred went all out, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. more so than usual, and put out everything that was in the kitchen. "Uh, Alfred? I don't think I can eat the moldy cheerio you found behind the fridge. It was a nice gesture, though." Even the things that had been there for awhile. This isn't sounding like a very appetizing feast to me.

When he started to clear the table, Maddie and Bruce both insisted on helping because of the huge mess they had made. They didn't usually eats with utensils. Or plates. At some point during the feast, it had turned into an all out food fight between them. Well let's just... throw out all of that inner conflict about becoming Batman and angsting about his parents... for a food fight. Yes. That seems like a good idea. The look of horror on the butler's face was something for the history books. But he shrugged it off, without bothering to try and stop them. "I'll just spit in their eggs later to make up for it."

The Sue bothers him about where he was this whole time.

Saying it out loud was a different thing all together. "I was very angry after I came back." Came back from where? And oh, yeah, "very angry"--that's one way to over-simplify his emotions.

"At me?" She asked. YES, because it's all about you, you little darling.

"No. No, of course not. "Well, actually, yes."

As per Sueish tendencies, she makes it all about her.

"Maddie. Look at me. Please." "I can't live without your Sueish attention."

His voice was calm and undemanding. At least he wasn't playing the big brother card. He knew he had messed up and was only trying to make it right. Hey, fuck you. He didn't mess up. He's going to become Batman! You know, his purpose in the entire fucking series?!

The rest of the sappy bit of it makes me barf, so let's move on. Still looking for the Joker.

Maddy's getting ready for medical college after high school. She wants to go to Gotham U.

Her academic adviser assured her that she was a shoe in and because of her exceptional grades, should have no problem with being accepted. But, of course (always prepared), Maddie had applied to four other schools she was only mildly interested in. One of them was in Italy, another in Prague, and the other two in New York. "Uch! I didn't get into Gotham U?! Well, I guess could go to Italy... poo."

Any other girl her age would be thrilled for the opportunity to go to a school in another state or country to get away from their families and gain independence. But she loved Gotham, and despite the painful memories it held, it was her home. So if you ever want to temporarily travel away from that home to expand your horizons as a person, that must mean you feel no attachment to that home! Which is why Bruce traveled to several countries before coming back to Gotham to become Batman--ohhhhh wait...

Translation? "I can't travel abroad--I have to be in the story when Bruce becomes Batman and starts going after the Joker!"

She would most likely have a hard time leaving anyway. Once, she had left the applications on the dining room table, and after returning from the kitchen, found Bruce standing over them with a morbid look on his face. That look was common. It was one of his only expressions nowadays. He'd been spending too much time alone on the grounds. Quit nagging.

"You do know that prostitution is legal in Prague?" Bruce said, standing in her doorway. "Because you'd make a great hooker."

Maddie rolled her eyes, throwing a piece of paper in the garbage. "That's Amsterdam! Honey, I think he knows his prostitutes. You're secretly worse than Alfred. Now Alfred DEFINITELY knows the hooker hotspots of the world. Do you realize that?"

He moved into the bedroom and slowly paced the floor, one hand on his hip. "I don't want you trekking off to some other country that you've never even visited. Okay... what?? Yeah, because I'm sure Bruce, the guy who's been basically everywhere, would oh-so-protest to the idea of her going somewhere else FOR SCHOOL. Please! Not to mention no shit she hasn't been there before--that's kind of the point of going to a different country in the first place! There's no reason why..."

Blah blah blah I'm really not interested at this point. Oh boy, so I guess Bruce is Batsy already? How ridiculous. She hasn't noticed things like ohhhh I don't know--Alfred and Bruce going down to the random cave in their house and fixing it up??

She rolled her eyes as a reporter began discussing the latest Batman sighting in the Narrows. "Like omg." She never understood this Batman guy. Obviously he was just a normal person like everyone else, With a big tank-like car and advanced weaponry--just a normal guuuuuy ya knoooow? unless he had some sort of military training, which most of the police themselves had. Actually they had police training... Who appointed him Gotham's savior? Who told you you could lift lines from the movie? "And then you have this guy who thinks he's some sort of a... what, bad ass...?" That's bat ass to you.

Bruce's head snapped from Maddie back to the television. He quickly shut it off. "Seems like he's trying to make a difference." NO! *hits with newspaper* Bad! Bruce doesn't openly approve of Batman! Because that would be stupid and could potentially blow his cover! Bad!

"Give me a break!" She continued, pulling her hair into a tight ponytail smacking her gum and painting her toenails. "How is being a vigilante making any kind of difference? I'd like a fist to make a difference with your face. This guy, he's fighting violence with violence. That won't do anything but create more you know, violence. He's just as bad as the criminals he hunts for. Whether he likes it or not."

Bruce took a deep breath and nodded in agreement. He couldn't exactly disagree with her. How would that look? Maybe you shouldn't have told her about your approval of bats in the first place?! "The bat guy--" Nanananananana--BATGUUUUY!

"Batman." She corrected with a laugh. "You're such an idiot, Bruce. Really." "Apparently that's what everyone is officially calling him or whatever."

He had also known that. Well no shit. Bat guy sounded mundane enough for him to get away with. What? His Bruce Wayne image had to be upheld after all. Stop stating the fucking obvious! The readers already know this and you've already made Bruce look OOC by making him state his approval! You can't make up for it kthnxbye. "Batman isn't the first person to take the law into his own hands. People have been doing it for years. They just normally don't wear costumes." Yeah, they're usually creepy middle aged white guys that kill hookers. Tomayto-tamahto!

"Why does he need a costume then? Why is he hiding himself from the public? He's obviously ashamed of what he's doing." Your logic is absolutely flawless. Really. Maddie wasn't as captivated by this Batman as everyone else in Gotham was. Which is why you're talking about him right now! Oh, wait, Maddie is different. I'll try and keep that in mind. It was all anyone talked about anymore. The only person who seemed to agree with her was Rachel, who had her own valid suspicions about the caped crusader. At least Rachel was trying to do something good. She was working within the law to change things.

Bruce didn't have an answer for her. "Deeeeeh," he drooled on his shirt. He only shrugged, changing the subject. "Don't you have that exam on Friday that I saw you studying for the other day with... glasses..." How Bruce hated guys with glasses.

"Adam and Eve."

"Right, Adam. How is Adam?" Bruce asked, fiddling with one of her knickknacks on a shelf. "Sooo, you like figurines of dolphins? That's cool, real cool..."

Translation. Are you sleeping together... what are his intentions... is this guy really right for you? You're not paranoid. She knew Bruce too well. It was scary. Oh, it's just so scary how well this OC knew Bruce! Just frightening how close they were. "I don't know. Maybe you can call and ask him. I'm sure he'd be glad to hear from you." She retorted, smiling down at her paper. "Seen Rachel since you've been back?" Way to douse a wound with salt! You're just so sensitive.

"Last week at that hotel benefit. It... I don't think it went very well. It was awkward." Boy, are we time-skipping now.

"Of course it was awkward. "You're imperfect canon characters--unlike me." You haven't seen her for seven years. She probably thought you were dead like everyone else." She stopped, looked up at him. "Wait a minute, you brought the European models didn't you?" That's our Bruce!

He didn't respond. There was her answer. No wonder it was awkward. "I love you, but you're such a jerk. That is so typical." Nothing says typical like giggling, naked European models.

Bruce knew she was right, Of course she's right! What're you thinking?! That she's wrong?! Never. though in his own defense, he was trying to keep a fucking cover by pretending to be a playboy... oh, wait, we're going to ignore that, aren't we? he wasn't expecting to run into her. Rachel didn't seem like the type to even attend something like a benefit for an overpriced hotel. ... Why? That he now owned. Damn it. Quit talking to yourself, narrator. He couldn't even remember why he'd bought it. Booze will do that for you. Oh yes, the pool area. "You should invite Adam over for dinner sometime." "Abrupt subject change."

"What for?" she demanded. "How dare you try to be nice to my friends! How dare you and Alfred watch out for my well-being!"

"Is it a crime to want to get to know the kid who's wooing my sister?" he replied. She is a strong independent woman, Bruce! She doesn't need you to protect her! GOSH!

Everyone had assumed that she and Adam were together, but it just wasn't the truth. He's totally not her type--now if he dyed his hair green and mutilated his face, we'd be talking... He was just a nice guy that she happened to be friends with. Couldn't males and females just be friends and nothing more? Of course not! Haven't you seen When Harry Met Sally?? "He's my lab partner, Bruce. No ones wooing anybody. That's the last thing I need to be thinking about, anyway, with all of these exams coming up." She's such a good student.

She straightened in her seat. "Nice try at diverting the subject from your love life to mine though. Very commendable." "Too bad I'm a Sue and can therefore easily see through your plan!"

Bruce sighed. It was no use getting any personal information out of his sister. Criminals? Easy. 17 year old girl that he's grown up with? Gosh, just impossible! He had realized since he'd been back just how dedicated she was to her education and future unlike he and Alfred who just liked to fuck around. She had real goals. Real things that she wanted to achieve. As much as she was embarrassed to hear it every time he told her, he was proud of her. Barrrrrf.

They have a cute little back and forth for the end of the chapter. Nothing exciting, as usual. Hey, let's read the A/N!

YES, I will be getting into TDK and The Joker soon enough. Well fucking hurry it up then--I need your Sue to SHINE, which will no doubt happen once you get the Joker completely OOC! The only reason I'm delving into Begins like this is to establish Maddie as a Sue? character. Oh. Well you've done more of the former, I'm afraid. I've read too many fanfics with OC's being thrown into the mix out of nowhere, And giving Batman a random fucking sister isn't just throwing something arbitrary and useless in the mix at all! in TDK-based stories, and the reader knows nothing about them I assume this pronoun is referring to the Sues? other than the fact that they've suddenly fallen for The Joker... which is completely believable seeing as though it's Heath ;) ... Actually no, it's not, seeing as you're still talking about Heath + ugly, horrific make up so he looks seriously disfigured and has yellow teeth, not to mention the overall effect of looking like he hasn't had a bath in a good while. Oh, and you know, the fact that the Joker is a mother fucking PSYCHOPATH which should detract anything from his god damn appearance.

More whining from the Sue about Bruce being a man-slut.

After Alfred didn't respond for several moments, Maddie eyed him suspiciously. "Hey, I'm a Sue, you're supposed to pay full attention to me." He seemed irked by the idea of Bruce being married. "'e's mine, damn it..." Had he met someone serious and no one had told her? "Alfred...?"

BLAH BLAH BLAH NOT-JOKER STUFF. Something from Batman Begins happens that I don't remember happening--something about a loud noise. Maybe it's around the time Batsy brings Rachel to the batcave.

Alfred quickly shuffled out of the room, and out of sight. She had never seen him move that fast. The old codger could barely stand to walk anymore, after all. "Alfred?!" Maddie shouted, getting to her feet. She followed him out of the room and down the long hallway. "Alfred?!" "ANSWER ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, SWINE!"

"Everything is fine, Miss Madolyn. You can proceed with the gift wrapping. I'll be along shortly." He responded frantically, not looking back at her. "Nothing Batman-related is happening at all, Miss! Go be distracted elsewhere! Do something especially loud and complicated!"

"Alfred, what's going on?" Maddie demanded, following him into the study. The noise continued to grow and she had to cover her ears again. If this had happened before, there's no way she couldn't have heard it. Duh? As soon as she got to the open doorway, she stopped, watching with confusion at the sight before her.

Alfred was looking back at her nervously. One hand on a piano key. The other on a cell phone she'd never seen before. A secret door in the bookshelf was open. ... Alfred is Dracula!

"What in the hell is going on?" "You watch your language, Miss!"

BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM. I have to say that this Sue would have to be brain dead not to have figured it out by now--for Christ sake, she lives there.

Blah blah blah boring stuff--OMG BRUCE IS BATMAN. Durp.

Bruce was Batman. Bruce. Was. Batman. Batman. Was. Bruce. WAS. BRUCE. BATMAN. BRUCE. WAS. BATMAN. BRUCE...!

That sentence had played out in Maddie's head more than a hundred times over the past two days. The only logical question she really had was how she could not have known after all of this time. That's what I'm wondering. It was ridiculous, really. Seriously, though, that's what I was saying. She felt like an idiot. That's actually a viable explanation as to why she didn't figure it out. No, she was an idiot. See? A perceptive individual such as herself Well now we know that's not true, don't we? not realizing that her big brother, Gotham's famous billionaire playboy, was the Batman? Seriously, this is what I've been saying the whole time. That he only acted a certain way in public so that people wouldn't find out his secret. Derp! Did she even know him? Really know him? Boy, you sure know how to make a situation all about you, don't you?

Lucius Fox appeared at the top of the staircase. "Woken up yet?" He asked. WHOA. Hey, Lucius. Don't have anything better to do then make house visits?!

Maddie shook her head. "Not yet. I didn't get a chance to thank you before for helping. He would have died otherwise." ... Oh, the fear toxin. *blink* It would be nice, since you're going along with the movie in its entirety, to let us know what part your on. Just a suggestion, of course!

"It wasn't any trouble. Anything I can do to help." Lucius said, holding out his hand. "Nice to see you again." How the fuck does she know Lucius? Answer: She shouldn't. She doesn't work at the Wayne company.

More whining about how hard this will be for her! Oh you poor thing.

One thing was certain. If he got himself killed, she'd resurrect him from the fucking grave and kill him again. Jesus Christ. Your psychopathic tendencies are showing, dear.

Blah blah blah.

It was the night of the big birthday party and Bruce had been lounging around in a robe and pajamas most of the day. His strength had come back fast after the being given the anecdote. Holy hilarious typos, Batman! "Wow, that story about the rabbi and the priest really made me feel rejuvenated!"

Blah blah blah--oh hey it's something about RAAAAACHEEEELLLLLL!!!

Then the worst thing that could have happened... happened. Useless ellipses are pretty horrible. Rachel wasn't coming to the party. Oh no! I think the world is going to end now! Boo hoo! Instead, she had decided to play Nancy Drew and find out who murdered her boss, Carl, and why. Her and her cute little lawyer games! Even to Maddie that seemed like a dumb thing to do. Bruce, of course, was determined to save her from herself. He was going to put her into drug rehab?

"But what about the party? We've been planning this for weeks!" Maddie questioned, stepping off of the elevator behind him. "Life or death situations don't matter as much as a party, Bruce!"

"I'll try my best to get back before it starts, okay? Just help Alfred hold down the fort. You've always been better at mingling than I have." What a talent to possess. Bruce said, taking out the batsuit from a dresser. ... Does he really keep his suit there?! "It's Rachel, Maddie. You know I don't have a choice." "I'm obligated by a bat-contract to save damsels in distress."

Blah blah blah sappy moment blah blah RAAAAAACHEELLLLLLLL!!! blah blah.

Maddie checked her watch. When she looked up to go and find Alfred, Cristina Davenport Who? was standing in front of her with that fake, toothy smile of hers. Just what she needed. A stuck up model she had spent one night talking to out of boredom actually remembered her. Obviously not too stuck up if she remembered little ol' modest you, dear. "Cristina... hi! It's so nice to see you again." Maddie said with her best, fake, toothy smile.

Cristina gave her a side hug, and took a sip of red wine from her glass. "You too. I saw you across the room and could barely believe it." That Maddie was present at a part for her own brother? Yes, what a phenomenon! She looked Maddie up and down, eyeing her diamond bracelet. "I like. New boy toy?" "I'm rich and stuck up, therefore I assume everyone is like me!"

"Harry Winston." Maddie said, only half-listening. "Random name," she said with emphasis.

"Even better. What did that entire conversation even mean?! So, where's Bruce? This party is for him. Brilliant deduction. I was hoping that we could chat a bit."

"Oh, I'm sure he's around... somewhere. He always is. "He's probably hiding behind a bookcase--he tends to do that. Edward Cullen couldn't make it tonight?" Maddie asked, grabbing a glass of champagne from a tray. YOU'RE UNDERAGE!

Cristina shook her head, leaning against a table. Are we seriously continuing with this conversation? I'm dying of ennui. "No. He sends his regards. Prince's In the possessive. are great company but very unreliable. And forget about taking anything seriously. Everything is one big, fucking joke. Oh, so you're talking about Edward Blake! I'm sure you know what I mean. Wait... you're still in high school aren't you? High school guys must be different." Yes, boys in high school take things much more seriously, I'm sure!

"Oh, they're all pretty much the same. Not as exciting as a Prince, I'm sure..." They don't dance and sing you songs about Purple Rain.

Suddenly, out of nowhere everyone in the room started to sing happy birthday and Bruce was walking through the doorway. Maddie was relieved. Not only did he not appear to be injured, but he had on the suit she had left out for him. At least he was dressed better than usual. How does he usually dress...?

Somehow the Sue has become Bruce's social calendar, telling him who people are and where they met him, because he would just be nowhere without her! Ugh.

"And Rachel?"

"She's fine. She was poisoned at Arkham, but I gave her the anecdote in time. "I told her the one about the rabbi and the priest--does it every time." Alfred's driving her home."

Maddie sighed, closing her eyes. "Thank God." She lightly slapped his hand away from the suit and straightened his tie herself in only a few seconds. "Oh here, let ME do that--you canon characters can barely wipe your own asses." "Good to go." Oh and it was all thanks to you.

"How do you do that?" Bruce asked with a smirk. "No, really, I marvel at your perfect intuition. I can't possibly compete--I am only the god damn Batman after all. Who would expect me to be able to do my own fucking tie by myself?!"

The Sue sends him on his way after packing his lunch and pinning his nametag on his lapel.

Ten minutes later, Maddie had lost track of Cristina and was left to fend for herself in the room full of old people. True, Cristina wasn't her favorite person, but at least she was close to her age. She always needed a good lapdog. Why did Rachel have to go and get herself poisoned? Oh YEAH, why did Rachel have to go and almost die?! Was she not considering the Sue's feelings at all?! This always happened to her. I'm overwhelmed with sympathy.

Oh hey it's Ra's! How ya doin' buddy??

Ra's Al Ghul. Where did she know that name? Of course she somehow knows, even though she knows absolute shit about what Bruce did when he was gone for 7 years.

Replay of the movie.

Maddie suddenly remembered being told about Ghul. He was the man who taught Bruce how to fight while he was away. He had left after he tried to kill him. How the FUCK do you know all that?!

This scene is much more annoying with the Sue present.

She nervously looked away, wondering how they were going to get all of the guests out of the Manor. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! You don't even know if the people are in any danger yet! Stop being fucking psychic already! "You're Madolyn, I presume?" asked Ghul, stepping a few inches closer to them. "Bruce told me so much..." Always manages to make it about her.

Quick, Sue! Go hide and be a damsel in distress like Batman tells you! Oh, wait, we can't have that, can we?

When he started to stumble slightly, ramble on, and insult the guests, Maddie knew exactly what he was doing. Though she had never seen Bruce drink more than one glass of wine, let alone being drunk, he was somewhat convincing. But despite that, things were moving too slowly, and she decided to intervene. You dumbass bitch! How about you do what Batman fucking tells you and GTFO. There was no need for him to make a complete ass of himself. YOU'RE NOT BATMAN, YOU DON'T KNOW BETTER THAN HIM. SHUT UP. They would eventually have to face these people again. Who fucking cares?! It's called life or death, princess!

Bruce suddenly felt an arm slip under his own to steady him. This was exactly why he was so hesitant about telling her everything. Because she's a complete dumbass and can't trust you to know what the hell you're doing? Was she trying to get herself killed? He looked over at her, annoyed. "What do you think you're doing?" He whispered. "Quit trying to show me up you fucking Sue! This is MY MOVIE!"

"You said play along. Actually, he didn't. Anywhere. He said to go and hide until he came and got you like a good little Sue. Cut me a break." she said with a smirk. Because this is the time to be smirking like a little bitch. "Ladies and Gentlemen," she continued, "you'll have to forgive my brother. He's a little... under the weather. There must be a case of bad shrimp somewhere. Oh, this is SO much better than what Bruce was doing! So much more convincing, too! That being said, I really think it would be best if the party ended early. Feel free to collect your coats and purses from the dining room on the way out. I don't think they expected you were going to keep them. I assure you everything is fine. "But get the fuck out anyway." Our apologies."

The guests talked amongst themselves and started to slowly filter out of the room. Of course! They never would have without the Sue, amirite?! Some were worried about the shrimp and left faster than others. A hur-hur-hur. How cute.

PFFFFFT--oh, so this is why she stayed! So she could take the credit for getting everyone to safety AND get in trouble during the fight!

When it did, Maddie felt hands pull her away from Bruce by her hair. "Get the hell off of me!" She shouted, struggling against him. But his grip only tightened. The pain was unbearable. She could feel her eyes start to water. PULL THE BITCH'S WEAVE OUT.

Bruce quickly moved to intervene, but Ghul extended his sword against his chest, and suddenly everyone stopped moving. Who is everyone?

Bruce put a hand out, trying to reason with them. Trying to reason with his hands?? "She has nothing to do with this, Ra's. I got rid of everyone. Except for your darling little sister. Your fault, not his. We're face to face. I've done what you wanted without any complaints. Just let her go. Your quarrel is with me. There's no reason to..." Seriously? He's a bad guy. Just kick his ass already.

Maddie gets away finally does what Bats tells her to do. Snotty little bitch.

After minutes of nervous pacing in the basement, Maddie smelled smoke. She moved towards the elevator shaft and realized... it was coming from upstairs. Shit. Shit just POURING down the elevator! Everywhere!

For some reason they spend a really long time in the "basement," even though the fucking house is burning down and they should be getting the fuck out of there before the roof crumbles in on them.

A week later, all of the chaos in Gotham had pretty much blown over. Well THERE'S a massive time lapse! I guess nothing in this fanfic matters if the Sue isn't somehow involved. People were still shaken by the toxin outbreak and the prisoners escaping, but things were slowly getting back to normal. Not... really. Gotham had barely recovered from that outbreak by the time TDK happened. A city doesn't just bounce back after a massive fucking prison break and toxin outbreak.

I spy with my little eye--INCONSISTENCIES!

All of the memories she had of her parents was gone forever... in an instant. Oh, you mean those memories retained from when you were ONE YEAR OLD?!

Part two can be found in the next post! This is a first--an entry so long that I had to post it in two parts. I blame the Suethor, utterly!
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel
casey711casey711 on March 31st, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
I think that she is one of the more annoying ones...i kinda wanted to punch her in her face for just...existing
→ Melanie "Malice": Grell loves Sebas-chanjaaku on March 31st, 2009 04:55 am (UTC)
"After minutes of nervous pacing in the basement, Maddie smelled smoke. She moved towards the elevator shaft and realized... it was coming from upstairs. Shit. Shit just POURING down the elevator! Everywhere!"

I laughed so hard. You have no idea. >_< I still can't breathe correctly.
Lesliemazaskaneko on March 31st, 2009 07:09 am (UTC)
OMG, Dr. crane wouldn't even use her in Arkham...I think Gordon would shoot her on sight and Ducard would probably just leave her in the lake trying to keep her head underwater....Wow, this just made me die a little inside *L* well ok maybe not... :D
Beccico_0kie on March 31st, 2009 01:26 pm (UTC)
Oh JESUS this is so annoying. It's bad enough to massively and pointlessly insert a character, but that rewriting of the bit where Bruce acts drunk to get everyone out of the mansion is like the most detestable thing I've ever read.
(Anonymous) on April 2nd, 2009 05:30 am (UTC)
I'm probably just crazy, but at first I thought the Sue's name was 'Mandolin'. I'm assuming now it's a weird spelling of 'Madeline', but I guess we can't be sure.

Great sporking! It's the Sues like this one—who drag on forever without getting to the batman or other actiony parts—that drive me crazy. This was the most boring Suewrite of Batman Begins, ever.
Narsus: sandmanreichsfreiherr on April 2nd, 2009 09:35 am (UTC)
At the risk of sounding like an armchair psychiatrist: the psychology is all wrong! The entire point would be that Bruce was free to indulge in his angst because he didn’t have anybody who was depending on him for stability or protection. Alfred certainly didn’t need his protection nor presumably did Rachel. So if Sue is present either he would have been forced to become someone other than a risk-taking vigilante or he’s possibly the most disconnected elder brother in existence. Granted, this Sue seems to have an unhealthy obsession with her brother to the point that I’d suggest that she might want to take that to therapy if she’s ever going to form any healthy relationships on her own in the future, so perhaps Bruce is justified in running off after all. In fact, I’m getting a quasi-incestuous feel from this first half alone so I wouldn’t be too surprised to find that post-Rachel’s death Bruce suddenly discovers his hitherto unrealised feelings for his sister.
do_om: twilightdo_om on April 7th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
The only reason I can stand reading through these things is because of your commentary.
Ukiby 3000: Silly Robotic-Maid: Pokémon Icon - Gunsukiby_chan on April 14th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC)
Now Alfred DEFINITELY knows the hooker hotspots of the world.

I have this image now burned in my mind.
animefan19timewaster89 on May 30th, 2009 05:45 am (UTC)
According to her youtube video that was deleted, the Suethor thought of Maddie Wayne before the Dark Knight ever came out, but she never started writing her fanfic until it did. So, in all reality, her case is about as valid as the guy who posted on my youtube account with a message saying that he looks like Sendhil Ramamurthy. I take that back, the Suethor's claim is more valid.