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30 March 2009 @ 06:41 pm
Wayne Sue 2: Electric Bugaloo  
Here's part two, in which Madolyn Wayne becomes even more Sueish and the Joker finally decides to show up!

Finally we're onto TDK. Let's hope the Joker shows up quick so I don't have to read more of this tripe!

Oh for god's sake--OF COURSE Bruce depends on his wubby widdle sistuh to hewp him wif his wounds! Because he couldn't fucking do it himself before with Alfred!


She reached the large door and opened it with the key that only she and Alfred had. No one else got in. No one else was special enough. Rulo numero uno. I don't think that's proper Latin or... anything, really. As she walked inside, Bruce was sitting in front of the monitors at the desk stitching himself up. "Alfred here?" She asked him, tossing her purse on the tumbler. The tumbler isn't your personal fucking purse hanger!

Need I point out that Rachel knows that Bruce is Batman as well and doesn't get her own key to his hideout? He'd probably want his little sister to have nothing to do with it--unless she was REALLY enthusiastic about the whole thing and *wanted* to help, which doesn't seem to be her case. At all.

Was it sick that she would actually enjoy doing this on a complete stranger? No, but it would be bratty. She had done this so many times for her brother, that she was an expert by now. Who knows when the teachers would finally get around to teaching it in an actual class. So, wait. She didn't even know HOW to stitch before?! How the fuck does that make her a better candidate than Alfred or Bruce to do the stitching?! Augh, these Sues...

Alfred? Who needs Alfred when you have a Sue to take care of you!

Other than the fact that he might of needed help, she had been seeing less of them since starting school. AWWWW BWUCY WANTS TO SEE HIS WIDDLE SISTUH. *barf* On top of classes and hours of homework, she was one of the only Freshmen able to juggle all of that and a volunteer job at Gotham General. Oh Jesus, OF COURSE. She was the ONLY freshman to do that, and was able to do it WONDERFULLY! It wasn't really work to her though. Of course not. She was able to volunteer in the children's ward and most of them had various kinds of terminal cancer. How fun! And of course it's the ward for children with terminal cancer. A Sue won't settle for anything less schmaltzy. Just barf.

The kids were great and everything Perfect for making her look oh so kind and warm. but it was all kind of exhausting. She didn't have any energy to do anything else, let alone pick up the phone and let Bruce know she was okay. He could always do that himself, which unfortunately, he did too often. He even knew her roommate by name. God forbid! Equally frightening.

Bruce being way too naggy about her living away from home. Honestly? I don't think Bruce would give that much of a shit. He'd probably want her to take care of herself. He's not really the parenting type.

Maddie sighed heavily. Not this again. "No, I don't know how many muggings or rapes you've stopped or how much the crime rate has gone up, but I'm sure you do. "Pfft, what with being Batman and all. WHOOPDEEDOO, I say!" And like I've told you over a billions times... I'm fine. Besides, if I lived at the Penthouse I'd have to drive all the way into the city everyday and you know how I feel about long distances." The penthouse is IN the city, dipshit.

Bruce ran a frustrated hand through his hair. That hand was just so frustrated...! This fight wasn't worth having again. "The road is in danger from you. ... What? Not the other way around."

Alfred walks in and dispenses his movie lines, although with the Sue it's getting extremely wubbified with gunky sentimental "Ho ho you two!" type dialogue.

Maddie sat indian-style on the tumbler and dug into the eggs with a fork. YEAH, just get your sloppy eggs all over the fucking tumbler! Go ahead! It's obviously your personal fucking thing to put your shit on and eat on--WHY NOT. "Shouldn't your suit have some sort of a... rubbery or steeley thing to keep the puppies at bay?" Just WHAT would we do WITHOUT you, Maddie?! I mean, fuck, could Alfred and Bruce have figured that out on their own?! NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Thank GOD you were here to say he needed a new suit.

Oh, how CUTE. Maddie took a little ride in the tumbler! That doesn't absolutely make me want to stab a fork in my jugular!

Okay. So she took one small joyride. But it was only around the room. She got a three hour lecture and would do anything to prevent herself from having to sit through that again. As if they couldn't afford another one. Because their reason for concern wasn't at all about your safety, Miss Snotty Sue!

Of course we need Maddie's impression of Harvey Dent. Because we all really, really care.

For Christ sake. On top of medical school, fucking volunteering in the terminal cancer children ward and patching up Batman, the bitch kick-boxes! Does she ever SLEEP?! Oh, and look, shit about her roommate I could not care less about if I even tried!


Keeping something from the people in your life was never easy. Lately, Maddie had perfected it. Because she easily accomplished what was difficult for everyone else.

.... OHHHHH NOOOOO. FUCKING LOL.

He was drunk that night, not in his right mind. She did something that he misinterpreted. She pushed his buttons on purpose just to get him mad. She shoved first and he lost control. He had a bad day and she just happened to be there. The list went on and on. And every time it happened, it seemed to grow.

BAWWWW THE SUE HAS AN ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND. FUCKING BAW. How the FUCK does she have time for a BOYFRIEND on top of all of this other crap?!

He had the most beautiful, piercing blue eyes that no human being should have. It's just not fair to the rest of us. Rest of who??

She met him at a night club. Classy!

They stayed in bed for three days until she was finally was forced to leave. UGH! Grosseroo! She had a class and had never been the one to skip. He understood and admired her for that. Then he beat her face in. Haaaaa! From that day on they were inseparable. They got to know each others friends and she even introduced him to Bruce and Alfred once. Wowee!

Sorry, domestic violence is never funny. Unless it's happening to a Sue. Or if it's in a Lifetime Movie. (Same thing, really.)

"How dumb do you think I am?" he would ask. "You're the dumb one. You belong to me." "Girls are dumb and they have coodies! Now give me some sugar. *punch*"

*giggles* Oh how predictable.

The beatings came next, but never in public, or in front of people no less. Especially ones that they knew. The beatings they knew? Sure, there were shoves. He would grab her wrist, arm, or even her hair. Throw her against walls. Grip her face tightly. Yeah, that's all pretty typical of a relationship! No one would notice thaaaaat. They all just thought he was drunk and she could take it. Sure! Why not! We're all intelligent students of law and medicine here. We know the signs of abuse and THAT AIN'T IT AT ALL! They'd deal with it in private. The only thing that happened in private were the beatings, which mostly consisted of kicks to the stomach and shoving her body into walls and furniture, followed by the verbal berating. Well maybe if you weren't such a STUPID BITCH THEN IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU! YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?! HUH?! That usually went on for an hour or so. Oh please. Like we need an exact time to know just how long our poor dear Sue has suffered. And then he'd leave.

The Sue breaks up with him. Yawn.

She was forced to break down to Jane and tell her what was going on. She was furious as hell and made her promise never to take him back. He was dangerous. Nawwww really? She nodded her head in agreement, Rather than in disagreement. but a part of her was still with him.

After all of that, the break-ins started. He would break into the apartment Presumably, because the last sentence mentioned break-ins! Fancy that. when he knew no one was there and leave roses or letters for her. Teehee, how romantic! Er, wait... During those times, she would lie and tell Bruce that her apartment was being fumagated, new windows were being installed, or even that Jane's boyfriend never seemed to leave anymore, and just stay at the Penthouse for a weekend. The answer was always yes. Rather than "No! I suddenly don't care about you, random sister I never had!" Hey, that would be kind of good, actually... She didn't even have to ask. Just show up with her things and she was taken care of. No questions. Of course.

Once, he filled the entire apartment with small, purple stuffed teddy bears. Oh god that is fucking scary. As sick as it was, she thought it was the most romantic thing ever. Hello, Bella Swan.

Obviously she's treating domestic violence correctly, but A) No, this doesn't count as a character flaw, because none of this is her fault. So she's still a snotty bitch, sorry! And B) WHAT THE *FUCK* DOES THIS PERTAIN TO THE STORY other than to get more sympathy points for this character?! I mean seriously. So yeah, no matter how accurately she may describe domestic violence, no. There's no way this is going to turn out to be anything but arbitrary.

Gooooood can we just get to the Joker already?!


Rachel walked through her door and hung her coat over a chair, more forcefully than she meant to. How can you do that forcefully?!

The dinner was a disaster. No, scratch that. The dinner had only become a disaster when Bruce decided to show up out of nowhere with the ballerina. How had he known they were there? Or did he know? There was no way he and Natasha were a coincidence. No way in hell. Rachel really wasn't that mad by the end of the night. She was only even slightly irritated when he decided to show up. Rachel isn't actually as much of a bitch as the Suethor is making her out to be! That's kind of a feat in itself.

She headed into the kitchen as the front door closed behind Harvey. He didn't look half as annoyed as she did. Not that anything ever annoyed him. He was very mild-tempered. ... YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE GUY THAT TURNS INTO TWO-FACE. SHUT UP. He's not!

What the hell is the point of this scene? *sigh*

He knew it was about Wayne. And yeah, it bothered him. It does? Even though he had only met him that night, he didn't really care for him, and knew damn well how much he meant to her. He does? It was obvious. He couldn't even muster up the courage to say anything. He was keeping his mouth shut. Because that's so like him.

... WHAT is the point of this scene?!

He knew after their second date that she was the woman for him, and if it didn't work out, that he would in turn compare every other woman he was ever with to her. But tonight was proof that she wasn't ready. And that was okay. He could wait. He would wait. Which is exactly why he asked her to marry him at the party! DERP!

WHAT IS THE GOD DAMN POINT OF THIS SCENE?! Nothing, because I finished it and don't feel any wiser about where the fuck this story is headed.

Now we get Bruce's perspective. Fucking great! Because I really felt like I fucking needed it in the movie!


Dent wasn't what he expected. He was much more sincere and focused than he had originally thought. He should have just taken Maddie's word for it. Yeah, Bruce! She's a Sue! She's always right! She was a good judge of character, though most of the time she saw the good too easily. Oooooh maybe that's her character flaw. Barf. Why couldn't he have just left it alone?

DYING OF BOREDOM, SUETHOR. Come on, get to the god damn Jokester already. OH HEY there he is! Kind of.

It was a horrible surveillance photo of a scrambled, laughing face painted in white. Oh, the guy from television. They called him the Joker. He had his own kid's show. Bruce never talked about him, but whenever there was a newscast, he payed close attention. No one had caught him yet. Not Bruce. Not the police. It's been maybe like... a few days. Give 'em time, will you? If he was insane, Because there is some doubt that he is, I'm sure! like he seemed to be, he was also smart. "Mass murdering clown." She read out loud. "There's a first time for everything, I guess." What, never heard of John Wayne Gacy?

Oh, but enough of that! Let's concentrate more on our dear Sue--and oh, look, a minor character from many chapters ago has turned into a Stu now himself! How quaint.

"Seems a little far fetched. I can't even pictured him Him being Batman. as human. Walking around like the rest of us, living his life. Oh, speaking of which," Adam continued. "I can't go to the fundraiser thing at Bruce's at the end of the month. What a logical transition for someone who don't know that Bruce is Batman! I have to interview this guy for the paper. He's some kind of a scientist, apparently. I don't know. "Psssht I'm only writing the piece--I don't actually pay attention to what the fuck I'm writing about or anything." But I have to wait for him, because he has all of these other meetings that day, and..." I TOTALLY CARE AS A READER. REALLY.

Oh boy, description time for the Sue! Let's change perspectives so we can describe how wonderful she looks!

He looked down at their hands, only inches apart. They began to play a game of Red Hands. Their eyes met and he realized he was blushing. He tried to look away, but couldn't. The brown curls in her face, the way her eyes seemed to sparkle, You mean ~*::Sparkle!!::*~ and her perfect thin lips PERFECT, DAMN IT! that created a smile, that one day, would surely be the death of him and the rest of mankind. Not just to him--to all mankind. It was too much. "You're with the wrong guy!" He wanted to scream at her. I loved you first. Whoops, forgot my italics.

And no, he didn't like Scott, and never had. And I'm sure it had nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with some intuition that he knew he was abusing her. He wasn't an idiot. He knew what went on and wanted to kill the son of a bitch most of the time. See?

GET. TO THE FUCKING. JOKER. PLEASE.

You know when I start agreeing with the abusive boyfriend that things have gotten bad.


He inched closer. "What else do you want from me? I take you out, I buy you things, I don't screw around... I treat you well when you're not being a complete bitch, like you are ninety-nine point nine percent of the time. She is a bitch, isn't she? And what do you do? You lie, you run around with that guy..." He laughed in her face, tightening his grip slightly. "And you, what, think you're different from everybody else, Really, though! because your family's got all this money and you choose to live in this shit-hole, and work with the cancer kids for free? Quit reading my mind, man! Well, you're not. Thank you! I just don't get you, Maddie, and that makes me sad."

Oh, a canon character finding out about poor, abused Maddie! Canon character get angry! Canon character smash!

Very few things upset Rachel. She considered herself to be a relatively calm, even-tempered woman. I wouldn't say that. But the thought of someone hurting Maddie in any way, physically or otherwise, made her angry beyond comprehension. Not MY Sue! No hoo-way! She guessed it was because she had known her since birth. Been there for pretty much everything. Potty training, first steps, first words, first prom, she taught her how to use tampons for God sakes. Personally? Well, she explained through a diagram, but it had worked. Oh. Alfred certainly wasn't going to do it That would be an amusing scenario. and Bruce was gone. I think Bruce is even less capable of... wait, what were we even talking about before!?

OHHHH MY *FUCKING GOD.* You have GOT to be shitting me.

After he told her about Batman, one of the only things that kept her from not seeing him as a criminal, was the fact that he refused to kill. If he knew about this, or even suspected, he would kill the person responsible. I'm seeing red. THE SUE is Bruce's exception! Please, put yourself into the center of attention more, PLEASE!

The Suethor promises Joker in this next chapter. Thank God.

The last time she said she was sick or impaired in some way, Bruce sent over a doctor for a full examination, and had an ambulance on-call. Oh, dear Sue, every canon character is just at your beck and call! When she didn't show up with no explanation and ignored the phone calls, Lieutenant Gordon was at her door in under an hour. Oh PLEASE!

The Sue picks an inappropriate outfit for The Party Scene.

After spending two hours picking through outfits, she settled for her black corset top and white silk skirt with black heels. Here's an idea: A BALL GOWN. You're rich enough to afford it for Christ's sake! Wasn't exactly a comfortable outfit, Too comfortable for this formal wear event! and a little on the tight side, And slutty! but it would do. It really won't. You'll look cheap in more than one way.

Snotty Sue acts snotty. And lives up to my theory that NO Mary Sue can be happy about going to this party. The name of the chapter is even "Why Fundraiser Gala's Suck." How cute.

She had been sitting on a bar stool, nursing endless glasses of champagne, AGAIN, aren't you underage?! and staring at rich people Because a Wayne going to med school isn't a rich person. as they stepped off the elevator and passed by. Some of them said hello, and she politely nodded, but rolled her eyes as they walked away. Bitch. The fundraiser gala crowd were the worst. How?! Most of them were over the age of 30, Since when? and only talked stocks, politics, or business ventures. Three things Maddie couldn't care less about. Everyone should live to entertain you, right?

She decided about twenty minutes ago that she would wait until Harvey and Bruce decided to show up, and cut out early. It wasn't like the fundraiser was planned with good intentions. Because you would really know. Bruce was insane for throwing it in the first place. You're not the boss of him. He has the money and the time. Butt out. Why he had done it, she didn't know. Probably to impress Rachel as a part of some new, stupid plan to make her choose him over Harvey. What a great sister you are!

Harvey. Har--vey. Harv. That name sounded more ridiculous each time she said it in her head. Was there a point to that sentence?!

GOD JUST GET TO THE JOKER ALREADY. 7 chapters of this TRIPE! Oh look it's Rachel. She hasn't been in this fic enough, I have to say.

In the middle of a crowd of people stood Harvey, chatting up a leggy blond and her husband (or father). How non-judgemental of you to notice! "I can't believe you left him at the mercy of these pariahs. You under no circumstances are using that word correctly. I'd be worried. Someone could mistake him for a millionaire and coerce him right out of here." What?

"Are you a little...uh...?" Rachel grinned, pointing to her glass. Drunk.

"A little what?" Maddie looked down at her dress, confused, Under-dressed? Slutty? until she realized what she meant. "Rachel, don't go den mother on me. Shyeah, don't have a cow! It's just underage drinking! Just for one night. Okay? It's been a long week, and I'm..."

"Say no more. Do what you want." "You're the Sue here, after all, and I a mere canon character." Rachel interrupted, putting both hands up. She turned her head to check on Harvey. Oh, no. How in the hell did Mike Engel's assistant sneak in? What? There was no way he was invited. "Come on. I may need reinforcements. What?! Mike... he's a fucking--WHAT?! A little walking couldn't hurt anyway."

I'm still confused, but enough about that.

Oh hilarious inconsistencies! You make me giggle!


Before they could reach Harvey, a loud noise outside got everyones attention. Was that what she thought it was? Oh, not the plane. It's going to run into the penthouse!! Maddie thought to herself. But it was. Bruce, his private plane, arms linked with three girls who didn't look much older than she was. He could have at least used the elevator. Or, you know, A HELICOPTER like he did in the fucking movie, since you can't land a plane on a building!

For some reason, Bruce doesn't immediately ditch the party after his speech to go outside and be emo on the balcony. Instead he has his annoying little sister bother him beforehand.

Oh lord. Guess who's the only one at the party Harvey Dent is ecstatic to see!


"Maddie! I didn't even know you were here. I barely recognized you. You look amazing. Will you excuse me?" He was actually ecstatic she had shown up. Despite not liking her brother, even more so after tonight, Maddie seemed like a nice kid. Very bright too. Of course. Her dedication and focus reminded him a lot of himself at that age. OF COURSE!

The Sue downs TWELVE DRINKS. She'd be sick and passed out by now. Despite her state (which should be slurring, rancorous behavior, stumbling and swaying if it's not being sick and passing out), the Sue STILL butts in when Bruce grabs Harvey Dent.

"Bruce, I... this isn't a good idea, I don't think. "Isshh jushh tha' I kinda hafta beee in evryfuckin' schene of impor'ensh in tha movie! *hiccup*" It's borderline childish, as a matter of fact. Couldn't you of just kicked him out? He'll put you in jail! He doesn't like you as it is." Did she really just say that? Maddie looked to Rachel, who was doing nothing to stop anything. "Are you going to help me out or what?" She swayed on her feet.

Bruce ignored them both, intent on securing Harvey's safety and doing it quickly. "They've come for him." Telling her that isn't exactly ignoring her.

Bruce slid something through the door. "Both of you stay hidden." HE NEVER FUCKING SAID THIS. He demanded and looked to Rachel. "Can you...?" HE NEVER. SAID. THIS.

Gunfire. I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel!

Guns were not her forte. It's not most people's. She loathed them as a matter of fact. The cool steel, the click it made when it was cocked, and most of all the booming sound of the shot. There was nothing worse. Why she would have this fear anymore than any other person? BECAUSE SHE'S SPESHUL.

The Suethor seems to think her Sue being drunk = her saying stupid things to the people who are threatening her with the gun in question.

Maddie turned to Rachel to say something when a masked man waved a gun in their faces. "Down on the floor, ladies. Let's go."

"You look kind of funny." Maddie said to the man in a slightly serious tone. "I wish someone had told me that costume's were optional. I have this really cute bunny outfit that I totally could have..." Can you shoot her? Please?

"And I will totally," the man said in an annoyed tone, gun pointed at her forehead. "Shoot you between your fucking eyes. Floor, now." THANK YOU.

Once again, Sues seem to be totally oblivious to the news.

The peculiar voice from the elevator was growing closer. Whoever it was must have been moving through the crowd. We are tonight's entertainment! Like hell. More like tonight's huge pain in the ass. You're not funny. What or who were they even looking for? "DUUUURRRR I'm Batman's fucking sister, Rachel's BFF and now apparently friend's with Harvey--NOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? I'm too busy angsting about my abusive boyfriend to pay attention to anyone else's lives, after all!"

I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?! Oh, shit. Anyone but him. Maddie felt Rachel's grip on her hand tighten. She hadn't even realized she was still holding it. God, she was starving too. The hell?! This was not good.

This Suethor has never been drunk, never been around a person that's been drunk, and maybe has not even seen enough fucking movies or TV shows where someone is drunk, because she seems to think it equals her character acting like a fucking dumbass who can't grasp the gravity of the situation. Sure, some drunks DO act that stupid, and probably wouldn't grasp the seriousness of this type of a situation, but the fact that she knows this is dangerous cancels out any stupid "dur hur what's going on" comments and actions on her part. She would probably just be crying and cowering at this point.

"No, I've accepted the fact that leaving is your thing tonight. It's just, when you pass the buffet, can you grab me a crab cake? I'm... you don't even know how hungry I am. I don't know why..." "Rachel, it's dangerous to go alone! But would you get me some food on your way there! Oh I am such a charming drunk, aren't I?!" Maddie trailed off. But Rachel was already gone.

Typical of Sues, she tries to intervene in the Rachel confronting the Joker scene.

Ugh. She knew what she had to do, and it was the last thing she was up for. You really don't have to. Just stay there and keep your head between your knees. Honestly. The scene can go on without you.

The fear was over relatively quickly by the time she got past three of the masked men. Because her being drunk and unarmed totally helps her get passed three full-grown men with guns. Her size helped with staying undetected. Can anyone say "bullshit?" I can. Bruce used to say that she could sneak up on anyone. Would've been useful to know prior to this scene--otherwise it's just a random skill that's shown up at your convenience! The sight before her, however, was another story. The man's face was painted white. His lips were bright red and his hair a dark shade of green. It's actually pretty faded. His outfit was one of the strangest she had ever seen. He looked more like a creature than a man. Not... really. It The Stephen King book? Well, that did have a clown in it... also had a knife pressed against Rachel's face.

"Why don't you just let her go and return to wherever it is that you came from?!" Maddie yelled at it. "Harvey left. She only stayed to drive me home." "Nyeaaaah you meanie!" She fumbled, stumbled and promptly passed out.

Sue says something drunken to a henchmen (who should have grabbed and restrained her by now) and, predictably, the Joker starts laughing.

GOD when is the Joker going to actually interact with the Sue?! All I'm getting is recycled movie lines.


It was a complete moronic joke. Not only did it refuse to fight when "Batman" Why are there quotations? stepped in, but it went as far as to push it's minions in front of it to avoid injury. WE KNOW, WE SAW THE MOVIE.

A hench is ready to shoot her, and I share his sentiments.

"I'm gonna enjoy this more than you know." DO IT! The man sneered, cocking the gun. There was the sound. Her eyes squeezed shut. This was it... One, two... HFJKAHFJK DOIT!

God damn it.

"I can take it from here, uh..." It said, I'm tired of italicizing that for you. It has no effect whatsoever. scratching it's head. "Whichever one you are. Cease and desist."

The man obeyed and released Maddie roughly. But his hands were immediately replaced by purple, gloved ones. It was definitely a he Well no shit. and definitely human. From what she could tell, the red on his lips was used to cover up the scars on both sides of his face. I wouldn't say they covered them up very well at all. She knew the wife story he told Rachel was complete bull shit. In her drunken state? Still a Sue. He probably did it to himself for no reason at all. Crazy, makeup wearing bastard. That's what I said about Boy George *rimshot* ... I never actually said that about Boy George.

His hand moved to her face, and his knife was at her cheek, like it had been with Rachel. What an appropriate comparison. His head cocked to the side. "Do you have a name?" Why do you even care?

"None of your fucking business." That's not your name, silly! Maddie retorted, struggling against him, as he pressed his body against hers. This was all too familiar and she hated it.

He moved his face closer and sniffed long and hard, nostrils flaring. "Oh, my, my, my..." Get a good whiff of that alcohol. Then, smiling, "That's a long name, Angel Face. Oh barf. Mind if I call you Angel Face? You do have the face of an angel." He slowly traced his blade from the top of her chin to the bottom of her stomach. "And the body of Athena. Know who she was?" The hell? That is a random comparison. Athena, while certainly not unattractive, is not exactly a symbol of physical beauty or sexuality. More like virginity, wisdom and war. Not to mention why the FUCK would the Joker make a fucking literary allusion all of the sudden?!

Oh, right. Because she's a Sue. And Sues cause the Joker to compare her to angels and goddesses.

"The only reason I haven't killed you where you stand, precious, is because I find you incredibly amusing. Of course! Random drunk women = entertaining, somehow. And I don't find many women that. Thaaaat...? They amuse themselves, but not me. But you, no, there's something..." Very drunk about her? Then, without warning, he lifted her onto the counter and lied her down on her back. WHAT?!

Oh god I'm going into cardiac arrest.

He took the knife and started breaking the small strands of lace that held the corset together, one by one. You are FUCKING kidding me. GOD NO.

Rapist!Joker has reared his ugly head!

"W-- hey... what are you doing?" He didn't answer. Just kept cutting and then ripped the shirt clean off. Only her white, silk slip remained. Who the fuck wears a slip these days? Especially under a corset top!? "Look..." She whimpered, tears starting to form. No, she would not cry over him. He was too ridiculous to cry over. You're DRUNK. You should've been crying a long fucking time ago.

"Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh... You're breaking my concentration. It'll just be another..." He pulled up her slip and put his hand on her bare left hip. Projectile vomit, covering my computer screen. Hold on, I have to get something to wipe it... there we go. It stayed there for awhile, searching intently. UGH. UGH!!!! "...minute." He had a strange look on his face. Not quite disappointment, but like an expectation had been shot to hell. "No penis. :("

"I think that's quite enough." A voice said from behind them. Alfred. "You gentlemen didn't find who you were looking for. Best be on your way." ... Alfred? Um. Uh. They're... armed, just in case you haven't noticed...

His voice sounded hoarse and shaky. She could tell he was scared for her. OH, OF COURSE, FOR HER. Not because he just stood up to about ten guys with guns! "Alfred, Alfred I'm... okay." She sounded unsure and she was. She had no idea what the Joker wanted from her. Hm, you're bent over a table half naked and he's looking under your clothes--GEE I WONDER. She cringed at the name. She liked it better. That sentence would all be so different without the italics. That way all of the crimes and murders he had commited didn't come into her mind. Now she fucking cares about what he did? Because she's now directly related to it?! It was hard to believe she was practically being accosted in a room full of people by a clown-like, WHAT IS WITH THE CLOWN-LIKE?! He's just a clown! There's no "like" in there! murdering psychopath.

He didn't bother acknowledging Alfred. "Sit up and cover yourself." Like he would give a shit about her getting her clothes back on. For god's sake.

"How do you expect me to...?" Maddie asked him, her entire body still shaking. Uhh, you use your muscles, tell your brain to comply...

"Improvise." He placed his arms on both sides of her. "I have a proposition for you, and it can go one of two ways. Wait until I finish before you speak. I don't want there to be any confusion, as I'm guessing you don't either, since this is a life or death situation." This Joker is boring and rape-y.

Maddie only nodded. He smiled at her, tucking her hair back behind her ears. UUUUUGH GOD GROSS NO GOD JESUS. She jumped back a bit, not expecting his touch. "Good, good. But don't be so nervous. This is the fun part. Now, am I correct in assuming that the geezer over there is a friend of yours?" Who fucking GIVES A SHIT?! GOD DAMN IT you have a fucking JOB to do. Remember Harvey Dent?! Gotham City?! You should be ESCAPING RIGHT NOW. Maddie looked down. "Oh, more than a friend then? My goodness, we do get around, don't we? Geriatric loving the new thing with the kids?" Not funny because I'm grossed out enough as it is.

"He raised me." She said simply.

Joker nodded. "Oh, well, that's even better. Good. Now, back to the choices. One, I kill him. Plain and simple. And no, it will not be quick with a gun. It will be slow and painful and I will force you watch." ... WHAT? God damn it. This is making absolutely no fucking sense. He told her, waving his knife in her face. "Two, you leave with me. No questions... right now. No fighting, no trouble, and I leave him be." UGH. She doesn't have a FUCKING CHOICE anyway. The Joker doesn't work like this! GOD DAMN IT I'm so tired of this fic.

That's all you get! I went through 8 or 9 chapters of this crap! I'm done with it!
 
 
 
animefan19timewaster89 on March 31st, 2009 03:58 am (UTC)
That's it, I can't take this anymore! I'm dyeing my hair red! Just one question, if the Sue's in an abusive relationship, then why's she getting together with the Joker, an abusive boyfriend? Is he going to save her from her horrible life? Another thing, how does a woman with friends, a loving family and in love with herself end up in an abusive relationship?! That usually happens to women who don't have any of those thing!
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on March 31st, 2009 04:14 am (UTC)
Domestic violence happens to everyone--there's no particular MO they follow. But it still stands that it didn't really need to be there, especially since, as you said, if she's going to be with the Joker then she'll just be 10 times worse off.
animefan19timewaster89 on March 31st, 2009 04:24 am (UTC)
All I know is that, if this turns out to be about the Joker rescuing the Sue from her abusive boyfriend, I'll kill myself.
hungryugolinohungryugolino on March 31st, 2009 04:21 am (UTC)
For going through that...
you deserve a medal.
→ Melanie "Malice": Do Not Wantjaaku on March 31st, 2009 05:55 am (UTC)
I have become everything you hate in a person: you're already deadhappyyandere on March 31st, 2009 07:51 pm (UTC)
"YEAH, just get your sloppy eggs all over the fucking tumbler! Go ahead! It's obviously your personal fucking thing to put your shit on and eat on--WHY NOT."
I just about died.

Unfortunately all the sue-written stuff was less hilarious and more AGH OH GOD IT'S BITING ME GET IT OFF seriously what the hell. I genuinely can't figure out how she finds time to bug the shit out of Bruce, pet all the cute cancer orphans, kick-box, get abused by her boyfriend, buy slutty clothes, be adored by absolutely fucking everyone... and sweet jesus if she's kick-boxing why doesn't she just whack her daft sod boyfriend around the jaw and be done with it?! I'm sure sweet daddy Brucie would take care of any legal matters that would inevitably follow.

Plus I am also almost offended by how little this girl knows about being drunk. PROTIP: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW. Looking forward to the chapter when we get a beautiful description of sue and the Joker abusing drugs. Maybe they'll see wacky things!!

I'm shocked you had the strength to review this shit. I would have killed myself with the keyboard after the first chapter.
He got chased by all the vampires ever: Hetharpsi_fizz on April 1st, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
Even more shocking? Apparently this thing has 92 glowing, positive reviews. WTF?
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on April 1st, 2009 10:58 pm (UTC)
The majority of which are from people who probably write Sue fics themselves, I'm sure. There's certainly enough Sue fics in the fandom for them to accumulate a fanbase from that clique.
casey711casey711 on April 1st, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
How did you manage to get through all of that? It was so painful T_T I dont' even know what to say, other than I laughed...a lot haha.
He got chased by all the vampires ever: Hermione/Luna Scrabbleharpsi_fizz on April 1st, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
You always have me rolling on the floor with these! Especially Rapist Joker. I could never get through these without your commentary. Seriously.

I loved you first, I'll love you last. Big fan here.
lordofdinosaurslordofdinosaurs on April 10th, 2009 05:16 am (UTC)
"No penis :("

Marry me, please.....for the love of God, run away with me, we will elope and live amongst the Mexicans, getting drunk on the weekends and shooting fireworks off of the kitchen table, but we can't drink the water I'm afraid D=
(Anonymous) on May 10th, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
DONT KILL ME? PLEASE??
Hello, I love this journal you had me laughing for hours! anyway, just for you to know (and please dont try to kill me, believe I'm much worst than you, I'm one of those things you dont want to stumble in the wrong time) i made a mary sue parody ut of anger after seeing this one "eye candy" I wanted to cut my veins with a spoon. for real. anyway, I made a parody and used the "wind machine" line.
thing is, I made it out of anger and didnt stop to ask your permission (or my beta to correct me) sorry for that. dont try to kill me for that.
now, confession time: I have an OC, I have a fic with the Joker as a main charachter but I sort of paired him with a canon charachter, Harley Quinn. and anyway, it's not romance, more like...surrealism. if you want to try and butcher me, ehh, go ahead. dont care.
the "thing" I wrote this morning is probably horrendous, dont care, just wanted to canalize my anger without breaking or killing something.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5052272/1/Welcome_To_Mary_Sue_Land_Folks

oh, and I found this too! it's a music video from argentina (where I live) and everytime I see it I think about marysues. its a...wedding. watch it and try not to bark. try. I love that band and they were making a parody, so it's fine with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBy24295bKs

anyway, just that, sorry for the typos or gramatical mistakes, english is not my first language.

nezzie
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on May 10th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
Re: DONT KILL ME? PLEASE??
I don't mind. I'm glad you enjoy my journals. :]
(Anonymous) on May 11th, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)
Re: DONT KILL ME? PLEASE??
glad to know you're not gonna kill me, i do enjoy reading this blog. there are some things out there that are so ridiculous...you want to kill them without mercy. a painful and slow death.
specially this one "eye candy" and the other "wayne lil sis" bleh, i hate them all. period.
Mugetsuproject_mugetsu on May 18th, 2009 05:40 am (UTC)
Way too many one-liners there, but this one take the cake ->

He looked down at their hands, only inches apart. They began to play a game of Red Hands.

awelkrjawer.

...

I lie.

Another best one is ->

She had no idea what the Joker wanted from her. Hm, you're bent over a table half naked and he's looking under your clothes--GEE I WONDER.