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11 May 2009 @ 08:49 pm
Part Deux: Eye Candy.  
I decided to follow up on some of my other Sue sporks; this one in particular is a follow-up on Eye Candy, which has proven to be quite a favorite!

So here's a few extra sporked chapters for you all.

There were a few in clowns masks sitting in various seats of the van and Nichole sitting terrified next to The Joker. "Uh, usually we can keep more clowns inside this--the clown car is in the shop, though..." She looked at him in the corner of her eye and saw he was staring at her. "Hi." Not her body and features, just her face; mainly her eyes. Oh what a big sweetie that Joker is, choosing not to stare at her boobies. She then stared down at her fingers and picked at dead skin around her fingernails, EW! Okay, I do it too, but seeing it in writing makes me want to hock up. a habit she often did when she was nervous and what better time to be nervous then right now? Good reasoning! "I should be nervous when I'm around the Joker!" I mean wow, what a moving observation.

He was indeed studying her face this whole time. "She's got bags under her eyes... and some pimples... ew, doesn't she tweeze her eyebrows at all...?" He wanted to see how she would react to having just been shoved into the van. He knew well of her irrational fear of vans. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He squinted really really hard to see if he could read her mind--no go. For being in this kind of situation she did manage to keep a pretty straight face, meanwhile his face was flamboyantly gay but her eyes showed all the emotion she was keeping held inside of her.

She finally broke the silence and turned her head toward the Joker, but didn't look him directly in the eye fearing she would forget what she was going to say if she did. “Please...i DAMN IT, I forgot she doesn't fucking capitalize her shit. This is going to get annoying. can give you all the money you want. I thought you were a poor school teacher. I can give you any money I have. Those two are completely different things. Please...just let me go and I swear to you. I'll give you anything I own.” She sniffled, "D- Do you want my iPod...?" She tried not to sound like she was begging, Honey, you're passed the point of trying to retain your dignity. This is your FUCKING LIFE. and more like she was trying to get a business deal through. She did a pretty good job of keeping her voice steady. Good to know.

The Joker put a gloved finger over her mouth, "SHHHHHH.... don't speak." which caused her to flinch. “A ta-ta-ta talking can distract... "What's that word again?" the driver.” He took his finger off her lip and gestured to the driver.

Nichole bit her lip. It was quite clear now as she looked into his eyes that he didn't want money. He wanted SEXUAL FAVORS! MUWAHAHAHAHA. He didn't want to hear he whine and complain for him to let her go. ... He wanted SEXUAL FAVORS! MUWAHAHAHAHA. Even though his words were mere teasing, Uhhhh when it's coming out of the Joker's mouth it's a lot more than that... his two dark eyes held a fire in them. Oh lord. A fire that look like it was about to spread and burn Nichole where she sat. That fire was called gonorrhea. She felt a small tingling feeling from where his finger was on her mouth. Herpes, I assure you. Even though it was just the fabric of his glove that touched her, she still felt disgusted that he actually touched her. It could be worse. He could play the "I'm not touching you!" game.

Sue realizes that begging only makes the Joker's penis harder.

She knew himtohavevery little patience from what see has seen in the news and what she just saw at the party. The fact that you think the Joker exhibits any emotion besides "crazy" and "about to cut up your face" really says something. She let out a small sigh and thankfully he hadn't noticed. She was now trapped. There had to be something...anything, that he might want. It couldn't be SEXUAL FAVORS, now could it? Something she could give him A blow job. that would make him have a change of heart and let her go.


The rest of the drive they all sat there quietly. ... Awwwwkwaaaaard.

Joker and co. pull up to their sekrit hideout in Broken Building Alley.

The driver got out first and opened the door for the Joker to get out. He climbed out slowly, and after dusting his shoulders off, he said licking his lips. “Bring our little...guest-tah to a place more suiting.” Oh god, it's James Brown Joker! I forgot all about him!

They all enter and it's oh-so-cozy.

From what she could see, the old place had been renovated to a living quarters. There was a living room, which held a beat up couch, an old television, and various beer cans and food left by the joker's men. Mm, just got that homey vibe to it, don't you think! Could use some curtains, but... She could also see their was Whose was? a kitchen, with a stove that looked like someone tried to cook with, but burned half of it off, a mini fridge, and a rather large table with twelve chairs placed randomly around it. On the table it looked like someone had stopped in the middle of a card game. It's your basic mobster fixer-upper, we get it.

I expect Bugs Bunny to crawl out of the floor boards and try to get a cut of the money sometime soon.

The man gave her another shove, which caught her off guard and she fell forward, scrapping her knees on the cement floor. "MOOOOMMMMYYY! I FELL AND SCRAPED MY KNEEEEE!!!" She let out a small groan, as she stood back up. They didn't even let her have a band-aid!! He lead her down a hallway to the basement of the house. It was rather dark and smelled of rot and mold. The cieling Spellcheck is a fairly useful tool and comes with most word programs... held many spiderwebs and rusted pipes that would leak about once every ten seconds. Pretty typical of basements, really.

“Sit there” "No, not there! There!" He said to her pointing at a chair in the center of the room. She obeyed quickly, sitting in the old rotting chair; praying it would not break from her weight as it did look like a chair hardly anyone had ever sat on. Oh, god forbid you might hurt your poor little bum! How dare they not provide a more safe chair! The man headed back up the stairs leaving her alone. Sooo, anyone read Stephen King's It recently?

She glanced down at her knees which stung quiet badly, Oh your poor widdle knees! Do you want da Joka to come and kiss yo' booboos fo' yoooou? but she knew needed to forget about her knees and the pain. Endure the stinging--you'll get a popcicle and Disney movie soon.

She was alone for once. It occurs to me that it was pretty stupid to leave her alone without tying her up or anything. Nice.

She needed to take this opportunity to escape. See what I mean?

Slowly Nichole got up and scanned the basement looking for a cellar door of some sort. Didn't you just come through that way?! Does everyone in this fic have short term memory loss or something? She finally found one and rushed over to it. A few locked chains hung from the door keeping it shut. "Curses! I didn't anticipate that they would want to keep me in here against my will!" She began to pull and twist at them, I'm pretty sure chains are immune against the strength of one skinny little woman--it's good to see you try, though. trying to get them to break. They looked rather old and rusty. It may be possible. No. But unfortunately for her, she wasn't a very strong one. It scares me that this woman is supposed to teach high school students. A series of grunts left her mouth So that's where grunts come from! as her hands began to bleed from the metal Then she gets an infection from the rust and dies a slow painful death! Yaaaaay. being pressed so tightly into her. She desperately tried to make them break, but they just would not budge. It's too bad you're not in some sort of room where they might keep tools of some sort that could maybe help you break things like chains! If only.

She pulled more until a voice behind her made her heart sink deep into her stomach and a loud gasp escape her throat. You should see a doctor about that.

“What's this? Trying to escape already are we?” This was followed by maniacal laughter and lightning.

Oh gee, I just wonder who it could be.

The Joker was there, sitting on a beat up arm chair in the corner. Either the Joker is a ninja or Nichole is an idiot not to have noticed someone come in. I'll go with the latter. He had flicked on a lamp that was by him. He was sitting there the whole time she had been down there. For what purpose?! Lord. She was caught red handed by him, HA! Because- because she's bleeding--! and her nerves picked up quickly as she looked at his make up smeared face. Well you're not too much of a looker yourself, toots.

She slowly made her way back to the chair she had been instructed to sit at Not "in"--"at." and plopped down into it, you don't mean "at-to it"? not taking her eye off the Joker. She was surprised his face showed he was amused and not angry. Because his expressions are as clearly discernible as a normal person's.


“Before I say anything else, I really must tell you I was quite pleased at that party when I grabbed you, "Remember that? Like, one chapter ago? I'm just reminding you in case you forgot already." that no one really made a huge fuss over you. I half expected five or ten of your friends to come over and start “talking” with me, "Since I'm such an approachable fellow, after all." to try and...convince me to uh let you go.” He smirked. “Why is that I wonder?” Your observation of how total strangers won't leap up to her rescue just sways me to believe no one loves her! He lowered his head narrowing his eyes and tilting his head slightly at her. He blinked, breathing in, his cells multiplying...

Nichole stared at his feet, "Sooo. Is it true what they say about clowns? ... Big feet, bigger clowns shoes? Hehehe..." making eye contact would make her loose her train of thought. The Joker began to get irritated and reached in his pocket, getting out a finely crafted knife. Oh yes, only the best for the psychopathic vagrant clown-themed criminal. He admired it tilting it back and forth in the dim light. "Shinyyy." This caught Nichole's attention and she looked up at him. "Shinyyyy!"

They're both magpies! Well that explains a lot.

“Yanno knives, What kind of knives are those? are simply wonderful. Each of them have their own stories...just...waiting to be told. "This one is the son of a poor farm worker. He slowly made his way up in the world with determination... and hope." All the things they have done in there life.” He licked his lips once more. “All the different textures they have cut through. "Meat, butter.... more meat..." All the pages of their story waiting to be turned-dah. "Do you believe in the LOOOORD-DAH?! I wanna hear ya say it-ah!!!" I would hate to see you be the latest chapter in that book First it's a story, now it's a book! The two aren't interchangeable in this context, you know! this early....Later i am sure you will be your own chapter in this knife's story, but- "It'll be after the chapter I use it to cut up some cheese for a party I'm throwing.".....”

Oh noes, the Joker is threatening her with a knife. This is super suspenseful, let me tell ya.

Instead of slapping her across the face like he was going to, he let her ignorance slide...this time. Riiiiight. He took the knife away from her throat and held it close by his leg. "I'll cut MYSELF up, see how you like that, girly!!" “The question was-saaah, why no dash-sah-ing I think the Joker is having an aneurysm and losing all feeling in the side of his face. young man at that party tried to be a knight in shining armor and try to save you from me?”

She stares at her hands again Oh, look, an abrupt change in tenses. and decided to say what she had thought herself. “Because, no one at that party knew me. I was just a face in the crowd.” DUUHHHHHHHHHH.

He rolled his eyes. “So am I suppose to believe that no one at that party knew you. Why do you care? Jesus, it's like a monkey thought the dialogue up to this. "Let's have them talk about the chapter before this one! That sounds exciting! Ooh, a banana."

They talk more about the last chapter. Seriously. This is worse than "As-you-know-Bob"--it's more like "AS YOU AND ALL THE FUCKING READERS KNOW ALREADY." I really doubt there's any point to this.

He shot her a piercing glare, and hid his smile as he watched her shudder in her seat. Why would the fucking Joker ever hide a smile? He was so amused that he was able to scare her out of her mind with a simple face. You can do that with anyone, Jokester. This bitch isn't special for that.

Mentions Tom. Remember him? The guy who was, god forbid, afraid of a clown with a gun? Yeah. The Joker goes into a bastardization of what this Suethor believes he would say.

We're basically following a Joker Speaks-Threatens with Knife-Sue Gets Scared pattern now. This is boring. I want to just find a rape scene.

So I skipped to a chapter that sounded like it might have rape in it... about chapter 12, "You Belong To Me Now." Lord. The A/N uselessly comments about how the Joker never curses and "talked so formally" in the movie and how she thinks it's sexy. Funny, he certainly didn't curse (he didn't need to) but I hardly would say he spoke "formally." Like I've said before, he speaks in the common vernacular--but really, it's not his language that makes the way he talks compelling, it's how he spoke. Also oddly enough, this author didn't capture neither how he really spoke nor any sort of formality--he just uses "uh" at the end of certain words sometimes. How is that "formal?" Very confusing.

Nichole was disgusted, and terrified, and yet felt very brave. She was putting her life endanger right now to save Tom. She was next to the Giant Panda and the Snow Leopard. She was acting very heroish. That's... not at all a word. Not like her at all. Well why don't you give yourself a big pat on the back.

I don't really know what's going on since I skipped so many chapters, but I sort of doubt it matters at this point. Skimming a bit, all I know is that the Joker basically killed off most people she loves except for that dipshit in the first chapter--you know, Tom. And now apparently she's "facing death." This should have happened 12 chapters ago.

She should be used to the sight of blood by now, seeing as so many people have been killed in front of her, but its just not something that goes over well with her, thank you very much. Why does the narration sound like an Olsen twin when describing how someone was just brutally murdered?!

I really hope whoever wrote this is... 14. Seriously.

The air was much cooler and the sun had gone down, and her being in a tank top did not help her freezingness. Also not a word. Narration really sounding like an Olsen twin. The Joker placed an arm around Nichole's hip pulling her in close to him. "Com'ere, TOOTS!" She shuddered against him, not liking his snake arm around her, Dude, a snake arm would be badass. Hisssss. but realized she was grateful for this fact, The fact that she shuddered against him? because her leaning against him cause her to become warm from his body and jacket. So body heat made her warm. What a convoluted way to explain that concept.

Come on, it's half-past rape o'clock already!

They reached his room and he fumbled in his pocket for some keys and unlocked the door, pushed Nichole, and not very gently at that inside the room. Would it really be any consolation if he had done it gently? He's done enough shit to make the reader realize YES, THIS MOFO IS VERY VIOLENT AND BRUTAL, so you can stop qualifying him for us, thanks. This narration frustrates me to no end. He locked the door behind him, then turned around and shot a mischievous smile at her. "Mischievous." To describe a guy that's about to rape you. Cute.

More like-ah-like-ah sex-muh-sheen Joker threatening Nichole. Same ol' song and dance. Looking for the rape.

He backed up a little, having a wicked grin on his face. “Take off my jacket.” He said flatly. "Then, uh, yanno, uh, rub my nipples-uh. Ohhh yeah like that."

Come on, come on. Falling asleep here.

.... Oh dear. This happens as he pulls her into a hug.

He smiled, “Yanno, I just realized something. You remind me of Batman. "You're both just so warm and nice to hug! Oh, Batsy..." He rubbed his hand up and down her back. You both are just too much fun. "In the bed and outside of it!" You entertain me. "Batsy gives better lapdances though, I'm afraid." But unlike Batman, "You depressingly lack cock, but luckily I have a few toys we can use..." I would kill you in a heart beat, because that in itself is fun.” He chuckled, as she shuddered involuntarily against him. He could speak so formally, How is this formal?! Someone explain this to me. What does she think is formal?! and without the slightiest bit of care about him wanting to kill her. “But...like I was saying, you and batman both bring a smile to my face.” "And a tingle in my pants." He licked his lips. “I think you should be smiling too Nichole. Because this is all fun.....Let's put a smile on your face-sah....I know just how to make one appear on that pale....frightened face of yours.” "Ohhh Batman, I'm going to make you my bitch."

He held onto both of her hips and then flung her backwards. That was a helluva pelvic thrust. She braced for impact, but was surprised when her body came crashing down onto a mattress. She, stupidly, didn't see it there before. She laid there for a few moments taking in the fact the Joker's bed saved her from pain, What a miracle. and then leaned upwards on her elbows, her legs still laying down. She looked at the Joker. He was by the desk, already he had taken off his shoes and socks, and now was working on unbuttoning his shirt. "Baby when the socks come off, you know what time it is." RAPE O'CLOCK BABY.

Hold on, I need to put on some Flight of the Conchords. It's only appropriate.

It hit her. "A-duuuuuuurrrr." Him taking off his clothes. Saying he was going to put a smile on her face. Awwww yeah. The look in his eyes. The Barry White in the background, the mood lighting--! They were filled with lust and want. With just a hint of indigestion. She gulped, scanning the room and everything around her, for something she could use. Oh honey, we don't need lube right at the moment--or do you? To maybe hit the Joker with, or distract him with so she could run out of the room. An iron chastity belt--anything! But he locked the door. Damn it.

Can I make light of rape? You be the judge.

She heard clothing come in contact with the ground and looked back over at the Joker. He was blowing up a balloon animal sensually. His shirt was off, revieling his upper torso. Covered in bat-shaped scars. Now she's not gonna lie, THAT WAS ONE SEXY RAPIST. she liked what she saw. Even though his chest had some scars and cuts on it, it was really rather...hot.

In black and white. There you have it. That. Is one. Sexy. Ass. Rapist. Rawr.

But that didn't mean she liked the Joker or even wanted him to be doing what he was going to do, OH NO, OF COURSE NOT! It's not like your perception of a person as who they are on the inside effects your perception of them on the outside at all! Please. but she is a girl. OH, so she couldn't HELP being a superficial dipshit? It was her gender. Got it. Its an automatic thing in her brain wave system to realize when something is good looking or not. No, it's not. Your mind is on the fact that this clown is ABOUT TO RAPE YOU UP THE COOCH. Abs do NOT come into play with this. He was still the disgusting pig he always had been. But with a slamming washboard bod.

How ridiculous can you get? Honestly.

Just in case people didn't realize it: If you're about to get raped... I DON'T THINK the first thing you'll notice is your rapist's fine ass. I think you're going to be a weensy bit obsessed with the fact that he is about to fucking violate you with his penis. In fact, you'll be so concerned about this that I REALLY DOUBT washboard abs are going to make you feel any better about this rapist mother fucker.

Just to make that clear. Now, if she had made this twisted--like this was her husband or boyfriend or she was attracted to the Joker all this time--then this would make sense, but I would still have to see her having conflicting feelings. Nichole clearly feels like she's about to feel violated, seeing as how she was looking for something to bludgeon the Joker with just a paragraph before. There is NO REASON she would turn-about-face and be like "Hm, nice bod, Jokester." No. Just no.

He withdrew his knife clicking it open, and got onto the bed. Please tell me he's going to carve some new sex holes into her.

He grinned bending down and cutting the two straps of her tank top and then tearing it down the middle. Point? What point? He ripped it off of her, and she flushed with embarrassment as he exposed her bra. What a nun. He slide backwards and unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them off of her and throwing them on the ground. Yeah yeah, then he picked off rose petals and massaged them into her body--get on with the actual rape already.

Nichole decides that the Joker's bod is not so fine after all.

He laughed, now laying on top of her, and began to kiss her. Visions of Pepe Lepew come to mind. He took no time to shove his tongue down her throat, Oh gross. Clown germs. not missing one part of the inside of her mouth. He even got to her molars. Oh her sweet molars... While doing that he manged to get his hands behind her back and undid her bra strap, and took it off completely. That man is a magician, holy crap.

He leaned upwards and looked down at her exposed breasts. Oooh, exposed breasts. How racy. Nichole felt her tears coming. "DON'T look at my EXPOSED BREASTS with your CLOWN EYES!" The smile and look in his eyes as he looked at her naked torso, NAKED TORSO. was unbearable. One tear flowed down her face, A SINGLE TEAR, crystalline, perfection concentrate. and she sniffled. He looked back up at her for a brief moment, placing one of his hands on her face. "Shuush shuush shuush."

“Oh, don't cry. I'm just admiring art work.” Hm. What's that taste in my mouth... oh. Throw up. He grinned, and began to kiss her neck. One hand pressing her shoulder into the mattress and the other reaching inside her panties Panties...! and snaking a finger into her. "Tickle tickle tickle!" He slowly trailed his kisses down her neck, to her chest, and then finally in between her breast. Mm, yes, make sure to taste all of that sexy chest-bone.

This is so gross. A few things about sex/rape scenes people need to know:

Now, sex scenes in fanfiction is fun. It's pretty much porn, and fanfiction is just about the lowest form of fiction writing you can get to, so why not? It's even better if you use it for a bit of character development.

Rape... is not sex. If you're treating it the same way (as porn), you're pretty much a dipshit or a pervert. To me, this seems like the writer doesn't want to treat it the same way, but doesn't know how to make it so that it's not just something to fap to. So it's like she's settling for an extremely awkward middle ground where I'm not really sure how we're supposed to feel--mostly because we're barely getting any insight into how Nichole is physically and emotionally reacting to all of this. We're just getting description. Really gross description.

... Or she just doesn't know how to write period. Maybe I am supposed to fap to this. It... isn't working.

He took his hand that was pressing her shoulder And then he shook it all around! You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around--that's whaaat it's all about! into the mattress and placed it onto her left breast Important to know your lefts and your rights, people. and then kissed her right breast. AWWWW YEAH. Sucking very hard and biting down. OOH. He sucked very hard--he even bit down! She screamed in pain. Oh take it, bitch. Now she doesn't want to sound like a wimp or anything Olsen twin language? During a rape scene?! Really?! but her breast are tender Mmm. Tender chicken breast. and he was pressing into them with a lot of force. And it really hurt and stuff! It felt like he was trying to squeeze them flat off of her. He was. He did the same thing with her other breast, biting and sucking. JOKER THIRSTY FOR MILK. His thumb flicking her other erect Oooh. nipple with it. Goosebumps were all over her. Its not that she was cold, but more like frightened. PFFT. Okay, thanks for explaining that. Embarrassed. Ashamed. And in shock. But not cold at all. His body was very warm against hers. Mmm. Can't get enough of your love babe.

He then removed his finger from her Whoops, forgot about that. Pickled clown finger anyone? and then pulled her panties down all the way, All the way. smirking as she let out a frightened squeal. All this time, Nichole could feel his groin pressing into her leg. Just a small detail we forgot. Not a pleasant feeling. It was all hard and stuff! He then took off his boxers, reaching for something above Nichole. ... Nothing about his cock size? Really? I'm surprised. His knife. He put it to her neck, and with his other hand he held onto the side of Nichole. HANG ON SPIDER MONKEY.

He kissed her once more, biting down on her lips. Then ripping them off her face. Flicking his tongue into hers. Whoa, time out. Into her tongue?! She fought her tongue back in anger, Noooot the best method. How about BITING DOWN? and he enjoyed it. He was finally getting her to join in the "fun". He felt his body tense up, he couldn't do this foreplay anymore. Why you thought you had to bother it with the first place is the real question. He had to do something, and do it now. DO IT. DO IT NAO. So he leaned upwards giving Nichole a cruel and twisted smile. Her eyes widened, sweat built up on the back of her neck.....

....and then thrust himself inside of her. "Baaaaatmaaaan."

Okay, that is quite enough. Gee, I hope no one gets blue balls from missing out on all of that actual-rape action.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Business Time - Flight of the Conchords
animefan19timewaster89 on May 12th, 2009 10:02 am (UTC)
You have got to be kidding me. This woman doesn't know shit. Technically, I don't know shit either but I watch HBO. If I remember anything from that episode of the Sopranos where Dr. Melfi was raped, it's that rapists don't usually bother with kissing breasts! They rip the woman's clothes off, force their penis in the vagina, eject themselves in them and leave. Sometimes they kill the woman afterwards! That scene was so traumatizing that I was covering my eyes and begging for the scene to stop! I can't even walk in a parking garage without constantly looking around corners to make sure the coast is clear! Hell, I never remember the scene, because I'm constantly blocking it from my mind! Anyway, love the spork. I'm surprised that you didn't pick a chapter about the split-personalities.
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on May 12th, 2009 09:33 pm (UTC)
Well, rapists come in lots of different colors. Kissing the breasts, fondling, forced kissing--that's pretty much molestation, which you would think isn't as bad as the actual penetration, but it still fucks a person up. It's still sexual assault, so some rapists, the really creepy ones I'm guessing, do probably do it to their victims.

I'm reminded of Lolita where Humbert Humbert felt he was genuinely "in love" with his Lolita. Nabakov never goes into detail as to what Humbert actually did to Lolita, but you can definitely assume that it wasn't just rape--he probably did a lot of what he would consider "romancing" or "foreplay."

So yeah. Not all rapists/sexual attackers just do the rape and run.

But... we have to consider the character. The Joker is definitely a rape and run guy, and if he isn't, he isn't doing anything that can be construed as sexy--he's probably hacking and slicing body parts up.
(no subject) - timewaster89 on May 13th, 2009 09:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
habitual line stepper: If Looks Could Killglasg0wsmile on May 12th, 2009 10:42 am (UTC)
"Come on, it's half-past rape o'clock already!" <---Nice
“What's this? Trying to escape already are we?” This was followed by maniacal laughter and lightning.

THIS.^^ I like to think he was suddenly wearing a giant novelty handlebar mustache which he twists the ends of for emphasis. That's just me, though. I've got a 'stache fetish. Gordon anyone?

I like when Joker sees her staring at him and says "Aren't I a dish?" Wut?

I know the author, at one point mentioned, why she didn't write about the size of his clown penis... something about since she's not writing porn, it wasn't necessary. And you're right, that raepy sex scene was confused as to whether it wanted to be sex or raep. Like I've said to no one in particular (because I was alone at the time), "write what you know, not what you read on the wall in the handicapped stall of the girl's bathroom while cutting third period."

In your haste for pr0n, you skipped right past chapter 7 and missed some super hot action involving, three fingers, sharp fingernails, a white juicy substance and blood and a possible fingeredtodeath!sue. That is all... wait, it has been changed since I first read it back in July.

Back then, after an awkwardly squiky encounter with thirdbase!joker, he examines his fingers and all the goop on them and sucks/licks them clean and says, "Mmm, tasty. You ought to get the recipe for that." EWWWW Then it went into Nichole's thoughts about how the white stuff (from her) must have meant she liked what he was doing in spite of her hemorrhaging afterward. She got pleasure (author's word) from it. Oh noas! Conflicted!sue almost, maybe, kinda, sorta liked it... a little and beats herself up for it.

Now, maybe out of regard for the reader's stomachs, it has been changed to "He grinned looking down at his prize on his fingers and then wipped (SIC) it on Nichole's pants slowly." And now has no mention of her perhaps partially enjoying getting fingered by wolverine!joker. That scene made me cringe.

I love the clown car bit and the “I'm not touching you game.” I wrote Joker doing something along those lines to Batman and boy did he get raepy about it.
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.: GORDON.ledgerjokersues on May 12th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
Re: "Come on, it's half-past rape o'clock already!" <---Nice
I think the Suethor did some self-exploring and realized that women do not secrete white substances from their cooch. It's... clear-colored. I think Nichole needs to see a gynecologist about that white stuff she's secreting, though.

So, wait. The Sue had some molestation/violation done to her before this rape scene? That's absolutely retarded, considering how fucking clueless she is to the fact that rape is imminent in that scene.

And yeah, I figured I missed some good stuff, but the fic was so tiring to read. I don't know how you managed to get through most of it, really.
Mugetsuproject_mugetsu on May 16th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC)
Sort of medium-to-long-time lurker, but I just had to eventually get around to commenting here; this journal of yours pwns very, very hard. It's a fun read when I'm between projects of my mine. :D

Congrats, you win the internets! *batman-shaped biscuits to thee*
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on May 16th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoy it! :]
(no subject) - project_mugetsu on May 17th, 2009 05:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
casey711casey711 on May 19th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
Let me just say that the fact you stuck Business Time into this made my entire day. Pretty epic.

The suethor can't write. Her narration makes me sad inside. I would also like to know how the Joker speaks formally. It just....doesn't make sense :(

The whole section with the author's failure to properly write about the stupid chair or whatever had me cracking up the most. Funny stuff!
freyathedarkfreyathedark on May 19th, 2009 07:25 am (UTC)
I died laughing. Seriously, I think I woke up half my building reading this. I... words do not describe how horrible this is! I can't even type properly, I'm so speechless. On that note, I love your commentary. Too bad MST3K isn't around anymore, you would have made a great writer for that.
Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on May 19th, 2009 07:41 am (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.

I love MST3k. <3 In a sense they're kind of around--at least Mike Nelson is doing RiffTrax with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett (whom both supplied the voices for Tom Servo and Crow (respectively) at some point and were both writers). RiffTrax is pretty much the same thing except with new movies, and they don't even just do bad movies--their riff of The Dark Knight had me in stitches.

Still, nothing beats MST3k. I definitely would've wanted to write for them if they were still around and if I was good enough.
(no subject) - freyathedark on May 20th, 2009 07:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ledgerjokersues on May 20th, 2009 08:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - freyathedark on May 20th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jenniferkindakooky on May 22nd, 2009 06:29 pm (UTC)
Hi, lurker here just commenting on how stoked I am to see you've updated, this journal brings major lulz. I actually search through fanfiction.net looking for Joker-Sue fics to gag over, so this is just my cup of tea :)
(Anonymous) on May 26th, 2009 12:38 am (UTC)
bum bum be dum bum bum be dum bum
Awhhhhhhhhh =).
I'm in too much of a good mood to be mad at this. ;D
It may hit me later lol. Don't know. Don't care.Watching star wars for the first time ever puts a [erspm om a good mood cause of the cheesy graphics =D. But whatevers.
It's chill. I'll read this whole thing through later when i have the time. Your comments are actually extremely funny from what i HAVE read, not lying. xD. Well....most of them. That last post (the original eye candy hater post), idk if i thought it was funny or insulting you thought i was a fall out boy teenie bopper fan haha that's the only thing that stuck out to me and kinda made me scrunch my nose at. But eh. Though i gotta tell you reading that old copy of my first chapter was an experiance i could laugh at myself for my horrible spelling mistakes and what not. (example: "im"....wow i really typed that in my story??) Soooo glad I'm going back and editing everything. But girl keep up these humorfilled insults. I love to laugh at myself ;D.

Gotham deserves a better class of fanfic.ledgerjokersues on May 26th, 2009 12:54 am (UTC)
Re: bum bum be dum bum bum be dum bum
I'm glad you have a sense of humor about it. I hope you don't take any of it too personally; I might say some off-hand remarks about the author, but I only say it based on what I see in the work. I'll try to avoid doing that next time since it doesn't have a real purpose unless it's meant in humor.

I don't hate any of the authors I spork, so don't think it's a journal kept in "hate"--I'm not a hater, I'm just poking fun is all.
Re: bum bum be dum bum bum be dum bum - surfingchick54 on May 28th, 2009 01:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
animefan19timewaster89 on May 26th, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
Out of curiosity, how did you and your beta-reader find out about this journal?
Re: Question - glasg0wsmile on May 26th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - ledgerjokersues on May 26th, 2009 10:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - glasg0wsmile on May 26th, 2009 10:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - ledgerjokersues on May 26th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - glasg0wsmile on May 27th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - ledgerjokersues on May 27th, 2009 03:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - glasg0wsmile on May 27th, 2009 08:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - timewaster89 on May 28th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - ledgerjokersues on May 28th, 2009 10:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - timewaster89 on May 28th, 2009 10:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - surfingchick54 on May 28th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Question - timewaster89 on May 28th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
casey711casey711 on July 1st, 2009 06:09 pm (UTC)
If you're looking for new material, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4548385/5/You_Cant_Spell_Slaughter_Without_Laughter may be good. It starts out okay, but the OC kinda ends up spiraling into a Sue. Joker shows up in person in chapter 5. Hope you're doing well!
dinosaurgomeow: general WTFery.dinosaurgomeow on July 9th, 2009 09:18 am (UTC)
Oh god such a late comment but I just had to say that I completely lost it at DON'T look at my EXPOSED BREASTS with your CLOWN EYES!

Don't think I have ever laughed harder, oh my gentle christ.